What a Woman is Supposed to Be

Jacket:  Target // Tshirt:  Hot Topic // Pants:  Old Navy // Converse:  Foot Locker (others here and here)

Now that I got your attention with the title of this blog post, it’s not what you think.  I’m not here to tell anyone what a female is actually supposed to be.  I have my reasoning behind this post, so please read if you have a chance!

With all of the recent media surrounding women’s marches, International Women’s Day, and The Future is Female Movement, I wanted to talk about my stance on all of this.  To be honest, I don’t really have an opinion with either of the extreme sides.  I’m not here to talk politics, and I’m not here to get into any arguments, but I am here to have a discussion.  Please feel free to express your views/opinions whether they are the same or not in the comments below, because you might even be able to change my opinion on certain things I’ll cover today.

Recently I’ve seen a spew of comments/statuses on my social media networks and I’m just annoyed.  How can we possibly have a discussion and support one another?  We have to be willing to LISTEN and actually hear what the other person is saying.  If we are fighting for equality, we have to unite as a group.

International Women’s Day

I want to start off by saying that I’ve been celebrating this day for as long as I can remember because they celebrate this in Poland, and I’m assuming the rest of the world (hence the word international). Over the last several years is when I started seeing people talk about it here in the U.S.  I saw good and bad things being said on this day this year.  I saw women lifting each other up and supporting one another and I saw men wishing the women in their life a Happy International Women’s Day.  Then I also saw people asking why we don’t celebrate International Men’s Day “if there even is one” (which by the way is November 19th for those wondering).  This is actually a good question, because I do believe that the men in my life and certain men on this earth, deserve to be celebrated as well, however with all of the recent issues in the media, I think people are somewhat afraid to say they want to celebrate International Men’s Day.  Some women will argue that every day is men’s day, which may or may not be true depending upon the circumstances.  I also know that some men have expressed to me that they don’t really care to celebrate it.  In my household with the fiance, we treat each other the same, and we don’t really celebrate either Women’s/Men’s day.

Traditional vs. Modern

Ok, so I’m sick and tired of seeing people at each other’s throats about certain issues, or going along with the crowd instead of sticking to their beliefs.  Don’t state one opinion and then constantly change it because it’s what people are talking about, or it’s the popular thing to do.  PLEASE have your own beliefs.  I’ve had a few women I know constantly change their stance on certain topics, just to either be part of the crowd, or go against and start an argument.  A woman should cook and clean for her significant other VS. A woman should be independent and go against tradition.  AKA traditional vs. modern. This is a topic that I’ve had enough of lately but I need to talk about it.

I’ll start off by saying THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE OPINIONS!

I know I may lose some followers or readers because of this but I’m done keeping my mouth shut about these two beliefs.  This is moreso directed towards the extremists of each of these sides because they will not budge, or will not listen to another person’s opinion.  Degrading someone for their beliefs is not something that sits well with me.  I’m stuck in the middle, because there is no right or wrong answer for this.  It’s all a matter of opinion.  Asking the question of what happened to women cooking and cleaning for their significant other is annoying, to me at least.  It’s 2018, last time I checked a lot of women who would love to cook and clean for their SO and be a stay at home mom and raise their kids without daycare or a nanny CAN’T because of recent times and basically having to have a two person income to be able to afford everything and provide a good life for their kids.  Some of those women still go home and cook and clean, however it’s extremely hard for them and they do the best they absolutely can.  A relationship should be a team effort.  If both parents are working, then both parents should put in the work.  At least this is what I always believed a relationship was.

Some women come off extremely strong with their beliefs and are actually degrading the women who prefer the traditional side of things and think that’s not a way to live life.  Well, I have a newslfash for you, at the end of the day does them wanting a traditional lifestyle interrupt you wanting to be an “independent woman who don’t need no man?”  No, it doesn’t.  So please, just because your beliefs are different, it doesn’t mean the opposing side is wrong.  Being independent and doing everything on your own, even being the “bread winner” is not everyone’s cup of tea.  However, you work hard, and you also don’t deserve to be judged for your choices.  I’ve decided to put my career first, and starting a family is just not in the cards for me, at least not in the foreseeable future.  I prefer working and coming home to our dogs.  For those women who prefer the traditional side of things, you may judge me and call me selfish, but I’m actually being responsible.  I’m in no way, shape, or form in any position to start a family, besides the one I already have.

I applaud both types of women because both are working hard, and both are being the best they can be.

I will forever be grateful for the women who started this fight for women’s rights and who helped us be seen as actual people.  I will forever be grateful for the women who continue to fight and stand their ground.  I have been lucky enough in my bubble where my experiences with inequality (current and past) have been nowhere near as bad as some that I’ve read.

I will however say I don’t see anything wrong with either side.  Whether you want to live the traditional life of being a stay at home mom, or if you want to be a modern day woman who puts her career first and doesn’t want/have a family until later in life or never at all, there should be no judgment.  Just don’t push your beliefs on other people.  That’s one thing I cannot stand.  You can have your own beliefs/opinions, but don’t try to push them on others.  Discussing them is totally fine, but as soon as someone starts telling me that I NEED to do something is when my mind shuts off.

What a woman is supposed to be

A woman is supposed to be whatever she damn well pleases without worrying about the judgmental people out there!  That is the only thing I will say about what a woman is supposed to be.  It’s not my business what the woman next to me does.  At the end of the day, I have to be proud of myself, and I have to be a good person.

My final stance

I’m somewhat neutral with this topic.  I don’t consider myself a feminist, and I don’t go to these marches, but at the same time I don’t believe a woman’s only place is in the kitchen.  I’m forever grateful that women fought before me and were able to get us our rights.  I’m happy that I have the right to vote, and the right to go to school.  I’m grateful that I’m considered a human being.  I’m happy that I am able to be independent and be able to go to work.  Do I think some things need to change?  Yes, because I have experienced people being “stuck in the dark ages” when it comes to women’s equality in the workplace.  I have been mistreated or discriminated against because I’m a woman, however it’s not as extreme as some cases I’ve heard/read about.  I also agree with things needing to change, because there are women in countries all over the world who are still being treated heinously in ways we could never even fathom.

Do I think there is a double standard?  Yes, however it’s not just one sided.  I do believe that if we are fighting for equality, it should be for everything, not just what we pick and choose is ok for women vs men (because I’ve seen women do this and it’s not ok).  I also don’t agree when in the workplace a man does something extreme and he’s praised for being such a good boss, but a woman does it and she’s portrayed as a bitch.  I’ve actually had this happen to me.

I don’t want to be shamed because I don’t cook for my fiance every night, and I don’t want to be shamed that at the same time I have no problem cooking for him.  Sometimes he asks me if I can heat something up for him and I have no problem doing that for him because he, in return, does things for me when I ask.  I mean who the hell am I supposed to ask to open the damn pickle jar for me?  He also doesn’t demand that I do it, nor does he expect me to which I think is why if he asks I won’t say no.  There are times where I will cook for him because I’m home or because I feel like it and have some extra time.  It doesn’t make me any more or less of a woman. He’s the one that does the heavy lifting in our household and who will always help me if I ask for help.

I don’t want to be shamed that I’ve decided to put my career first and that I march to the beat of my own drum and don’t have to listen to a man telling me what to do.  I don’t want a family yet, I’m not ready to settle down.  I’m sick and tired of people judging me for that.  I don’t want a child right now.  I’m not ready for it.  Also telling me “you’re never ready for it” is correct, but financially I am just getting on my feet, and with my life and health conditions, I know that I would not be able to provide that child with everything he/she would need.

Just because I don’t march or protest doesn’t make me anti woman or any less of a woman.  It also doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear their opinions, because I do, but in an adult fashion.  Just because I work, and have my own opinions also doesn’t make me any less of a woman.  Just because I’m thankful for the men in my life and some men (with exceptions) on this earth doesn’t mean a thing.  There are things I know I would not be able to do if it wasn’t for the men in my life or in this world.  There are some things that I just physically cannot do.

I think the one thing that both sides can agree on is that women are strong as hell!  I’ve never been more proud to be a woman.

“Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” – Unknown

What do y’all think?  I also encourage you to leave comments if you are against anything I said here because I want to hear more of your side so I can understand it better.

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xoxo Monica

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