Monica Hayworth

A Fashion, Lifestyle, Mom, and Anti Scam Blog

in Fashion, Linkup, My Thoughts ·

Why I don’t want children right now and a Linkup

Tee:  Old Navy // Pants:  Old Navy // Shoes:  TJ Maxx // Hat:  Old Navy

First and foremost, I wanted to say thank you so much for all of your beautiful comments last week.  Hearing everyone open up and tell their own stories was just amazing.  I’ve been really bad at catching up and responding to comments like I was before, but this new job has been leaving me mentally and physically exhausted.  At the end of the day I just want to go home and go to bed.  I’m actually typing this past my bedtime of 9pm and I want to fall asleep on the keyboard haha.

I wanted to get something off of my chest though, and what better place than my little piece of cyber world.

I’ll be 31 in October and at age 23/24 one of my friend’s mom’s had actually told me that I should freeze my eggs so that I can have children since my clock is ticking.  That was probably one of the most ridiculous things I ever had said to me haha.  I’ve heard “family friends” gossiping and saying that if a woman doesn’t want children it’s because she can’t have them with the snarkiest voice ever, and this isn’t true.  There is a reason why I don’t want children just yet.  You see, I made mistakes really late in life since I lived a pretty sheltered life and wasn’t really allowed to make mistakes until I rebelled full swing (and I mean FULL SWING), when I should have been starting my career and my life.  I’m just now starting the life that I should’ve started many years ago.  There have been so many studies of millennials (I don’t really like to consider myself one because I’m almost like a hybrid lol) and why they don’t have or don’t want children.  Kids are expensive.  They are time consuming, and the way it is nowadays, you can’t be a single income household, you have to have two people working, and sometimes even THAT isn’t enough, well at least here in NJ since it’s so expensive.  I’ve heard the good and the bad, but a lot of people have complained about how they don’t get any sleep (which is dangerous with my condition) and how life was so much easier before kids.

I like my “easy” life.  I like my sleep.

I’m just not ready to be selfless and think about a little human.  I’ve heard about how beautiful it is being a mother and I totally believe that because I see the looks my friends give their babies.  I would love to experience that one day, just not now.  A lot of people don’t understand why I’m so relaxed about not having kids at 30 and in my mind it’s because if I’m meant to be a mom, I will be.  Being a mom doesn’t have to be biological.  I would love to adopt if I’m unable to have children since I honestly don’t even see myself with a child within the next 5 years.  I know that people say kids are nowhere near as difficult as dogs, and when people tell me that, I don’t want children even more.  I have two dogs who I love and drive me absolutely crazy.  They poop and pee on the floor sometimes if they are sick, they eat everything they can get their paws on (Lilly the puggle is infamous for eating pants, undies, and blankets), I have to take care of them because they cannot take care of themselves and they are already time consuming.  If having children is 100 times worse than dogs, I’m good.

I’m sure in the future I might regret being an older mom because I’ll be retiring when my kid(s) are graduating high school, but like I said before, if I’m meant to have children then I will, one way or another.  I’m also slightly scared because of my condition.  I’ve heard good and bad stories, but my seizures are triggered by no sleep, so there’s that.  I just got myself to a comfortable situation in life and I want to relax for a little bit now.  I want to be able to go buy a house with my fiance and adding more expenses to the mix right now just isn’t what either of us would want.

I understand that you’re never ready for a child, however, I’m REALLY not ready lol.  I’m a planner, and I like to plan things out.  Maybe in 5 years the fiance and I will be married and have a house and be in a comfortable spot to be able to bring a little human into the world.  Although, a mix of the two of us is just scary lol.  I think we are doing a service to the world, not having kids.  Anyway, what are your thoughts on this topic?

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xoxo Monica

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Comments

  1. Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies says

    I think you are doing the right thing standing by your convictions! No one should put pressure on you to take the step into parenthood before you are ready. You have very valid reasons, but you could have a nonsense reason and that would have been ok too, because it would still be your reason xx

  2. Maureen says

    This is my kind of outfit. It’s simple yet classy because this look is always beautiful time after time. You have to do what’s right for you and being honest to yourself is where I stand on this topic. I had my son late in life too at 33 and I actually kept pushing it off. I have mixed feelings about motherhood. It’s not all peachy and I didn’t expect it to be but because I am not as thrilled like most women to be a mom, my hubby and I are stopping at one. Bottom line, stay true to how you feel. You feel those feelings for a reason. Don’t ever feel like you have to follow a path.

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

  3. Madeline says

    I recently became a mom (well, 7 months ago) and I always knew I wanted to have kids early on. However, I completely agree with what you said in your post. Having a baby IS expensive, exhausting, yet extremely rewarding. I definitely think it’s the responsible thing to have a baby when you actually feel ready for it. People will always have an opinion on how you should live your life. I think it’s perfectly ok to want to be a bit selfish for a while. 🙂
    Oh, and I love this outfit! The hat is so cute.

  5. Nina says

    Like you, I didn’t want to have children right away. I too blew off some steam, then settled in to my career. I had my daughter at age 39. When she came into my life, I was ready. We had money, and I’d accomplished lots of cool things. I had no regrets nor did I resent not going out in the evenings or the time andfinancial sacrifices like some of my friends did. I was able to start my own business so I could work from home and focus on her as she grew up. Don’t have children until or unless you are ready. I’ve seen so many messed up kids whose parents didn’t have time for them, or weren’t prepared for the 24/7 responsiblity of children —or discovered it wasn’t as “romantic” as they thought it would be. Enjoy your life, work hard and share you light. If and when you are ready, enjoy the wonders of being a mom. We women need to be a lot less judgmental of each other’s decisions. Hugs, Nina http://www.sharingajourney.com

  6. Jodie says

    I can totally relate Monica!! I never had children because I had a dental practice to run and was in a bad marriage. Do I wish I had them now? No. Everyone’s life is different so we shouldn’t be placing those “supposed to’s” on each other!!!
    I think if I had children when I was younger I would have been a terrible mother. Maybe now I understand the process better—but golly gee. I’d rather live vicariously through my friends that do have kids for those ups and downs!!
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

  7. Amy says

    Oh my gosh, these photos are just stunning! Love this location! As for kids, I’m speaking as a mother and grandmother. I never wanted children either. I always pictured myself married with a couple of dogs, but never with children. But God had a different plan and I got pregnant 6 weeks after getting married. Yikes! I was not prepared and we had a lot of difficult years. But I will say this, being a parent changes you and I would even go so far to say it makes you a better person. You learn about love more than you ever thought was possible. You know what it truly means to put someone else’s life ahead of your own. You have empathy and understanding of your own parents. And when your children become adults, they become your very best friends. When the grand babies are born and you see your own baby love her own baby, well, nothing in the world makes your heart swell with more pride.

  8. Shelbee on the Edge says

    Monica, first I have to comment on your fab outfit and this background for photos! You are killing the backdrops lately. So great! Second, this post is so good. Don’t let anyone dictate your timeline to you. Only you know what you want and need. I never wanted kids. Like adamantly, a big fat no way! Until I turned 36. Yes, at 36 I changed my mind. Fortunately, I had no issues with fertility and had my kids at 36 and 38 years old. I will be 57 years young when my youngest graduates from high school. And that’s okay. Because I did a lot before I had kids. And I will continue to do more after they fly from the nest. Because that is my timeline and my age is really quite irrelevant. And looking back on the ease of my life before kids, I have to say, embrace that ease for as long as you can! Because parenting ain’t no joke! I am the first to admit that it kind of sucks most of the time! I just cherish all the little tiny fleeting moments of bliss that occasionally flash by us! So while there will always be people who judge your life decisions, just follow your heart and say it “Eff it” to all the outside noise!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

  9. Ruth says

    NO shame in wanting or not wanting kiddos! I have friends and family who want kids so badly but just aren’t able to. I have family who don’t want kids ever and some that are just embarking on that journey. It’s not for everyone but if it is each person can make that decision for themselves!

    http://www.mylittlenest.org

  10. Cheryl Shops says

    I’m 40, and I’m not having kids. You can only imagine the lectures I’ve received from people, even though it’s none of their business! For some reason, this makes people question their own decisions; I’ve finally come to the conclusion that as much as their judgment hurts, it’s about them, not me. Do what’s right for you, when it’s right for you—even if it’s never having kids at all!
    Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net