Chambray on Denim

Top:  Shein // Pants:  LOFT // Shoes:  Old Navy

I told myself for the longest time that I would never test out the denim on denim trend, BUT, I tried it out.  Although this isn’t really a true denim on denim look, it’s chambray on denim.  I thought maybe I could get away with it better because of the dinosaurs on my top haha.  I’ve been really uninspired with my outfits lately, so I’ve been trying new trends.  I know I’ve complained multiple times here on the blog since I got back from vacation, but I’ve been having a really rough time over these past few weeks.  I posted a meme on my Instastories the other day that said “Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL Coffee, 6 shots of Vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep.” That’s how I’ve been feeling a lot lately.  I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to fail and will take on work without saying no.  This is how I get taken advantage of at work a lot, except for my last job, I actually put my foot down at one point because people were cramming way too much onto my department, and I won.

I see that pattern starting at my new job.  I obviously won’t have a bad attitude about the work load because I want to make a good impression, and I don’t want to show weakness, but y’all, I’m burnt out.  I always feel bad complaining to my fiancé because he works in the blue collar world, so he’s physically working his ass off, whereas I sit on my ass most of the day and I vent to him but I always tell him I feel bad because I shouldn’t be tired or burnt out.  He always tells me that I am allowed to feel like this, because even though I’m not physically tired, I’m mentally tired, and he honestly doesn’t know which one is worse.

When I was going to school for my MBA, a lot of the students were people who worked in the corporate world and were a lot older than me.  They were established with families and kids.  They used to always talk about how it was hard for them to even go back to school because they worked so much.  I promised myself while I was in school that I would never be one of “those” people.  Although, I am turning into one of them.  Thankfully, I don’t have children, and to be completely honest, with the way life is going I really can’t have them.  At this point it’s not even a choice to not have them, it’s just I can’t.  I don’t want to be the mom who disappoints her children.  I don’t want to be constantly saying I’ll be at your recital, or I’ll be at your game, and then have to work late and not be able to make it because I’m terrified of losing my job.

At the same time, I can’t really complain about anything because we all make choices in life.  Unfortunately for me, I’m not in a financial position to just say eff it and do what I want.  I was an idiot in  my 20’s, and instead of saving money, I was wasting it away on my ex.  An ex who only used me.  Even though this happened, I’m happy it did because I don’t think I would be the person I am today, nor would I be the woman I am to my fiancé.

I’m hoping that everything calms down, because I’m not quite sure if I can keep going like this.  The more shit like this happens, the more I understand Britney Spears’ 2007 meltdown.

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xoxo Monica

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