If you know my fiance and I on a personal level, you know that we are constantly making fun of each other, busting each other’s chops, pranking each other, but it’s all in good fun. At the end of the day, we know we aren’t being serious and it’s our entertainment. If people actually heard our conversations they’d probably think we hated each other, haha!
Happy Wife, Happy Life
The one thing that really irks me, is the “Happy Wife, Happy Life” bullshit mentality. It needs to stop. It’s so incredibly unhealthy. A relationship is not just one sided. I understand that men like to pamper their wives, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, in a relationship, you’re a team, so the husband should also be pampered. I’ve heard so many men say things such as “I have an anchor at home, aka my wife.” I find it so sad that guys feel a marriage is a jail sentence.
It’s the Little Things
This isn’t just materialistic things, like some fancy dinner or jewelry, but little things; little every day things. I’m always very open with everyone on here, and I will never say that my relationship is perfect (no relationship is perfect), but it’s pretty damn close. My fiance and I respect one another, and we do almost everything as a team. We support one another with our dreams, but if we know it’s a stupid one, of course we voice our opinion. Sometimes our opinions aren’t the same, but that’s ok. Even when it comes to things like politics, if we don’t agree on something, we voice our opinions to one another and then just agree to disagree.
Lack of Respect
That’s why I always find it hard to believe that there is a lack of respect in a lot of relationships. I’m not just talking about toxic relationships (whether they lead to domestic violence or not) either. My fiance and I have a ton of friends. A few of them actually use the happy wife happy life terminology all the time, with that snarky attitude. How is that fair? A man shouldn’t have to do every single thing his wife tells him to do. For example, my fiance knows how much this blog means to me, and he’s willing to help me with taking my photos if I need to post an outfit photo. However, if he’s busy or has to go to work I don’t get upset or bitchy demanding that he changes his plans to take my photos.
My fiance has gotten me some amazing gifts over the years, but I’m even happier when he brings me home a Snickers bar, or stops to get me soup when I’m not feeling well. He has to finish our laundry room project, and it’s been sitting for a few months now, but I’m not nagging him about it. I know he works, and he works physically, so the last thing he wants to do on his (well, our) one day off is work on something at home. He gets upset that he doesn’t have the willpower to do it, but I tell him I’d rather he rest and we will eventually get to it.
But, we don’t have kids.
Maybe it’s different for us because we don’t have children, and don’t plan on it. From talking to friends and family, they truly do suck the life out of you. One thing always stays the same that these moms and dads would never trade their kids for anything in the world. I respect that, but I just can’t see myself giving up so much to be miserable like some of these parents are. They always look tired, and they are always stressed out, and always posting about how hard it is to be a parent on Facebook.
I can’t imagine having to not only deal with constantly worrying about my kids (sorry mom and dad, I know that I gave you guys anxiety haha), but also worrying about putting them through college, trade school, or whatever else they would do after high school. Constantly worrying about if my kid is being bullied at school like I was or if he/she is the one bullying kids and I have to put that to a stop while being brought back to those younger years of my own life. I know kids put a strain on your life. Them being upset about something would break my heart. I’m not willing to go through that.
My Parents
I respect my mom for her sacrifices of putting her life on hold to be a stay at home mom. Eventually my mom would start her own business and work from home, but my dad always provided for us and always made it work no matter what. However, my parents worked as a team. They came to this country with absolutely nothing, and made something of themselves. They chose together that the best thing was for my mom to stay home.
Being a stay at home mom is a hard job. You don’t get paid an annual salary, and you have to do A LOT. I know some people who view stay at home moms as “oh your life is easy,” but my mom always had a home cooked meal ready for us when we came home from school, she always cleaned the house, and made sure she kept the family together, while my dad (her partner in crime) worked his ass off too.
Change my mind
I’m not sure that I’ll ever understand Happy Wife, Happy Life, and maybe some of you could change my mind, but I highly doubt you could. I will always stick to my guns of a relationship being a team effort, not one sided.
xoxo Monica
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I do deClaire // Elegantly Dressed & Stylish // Glass of Glam// Shelbee on the Edge
Great insight! Relationships definitely take the work of both partners, lots of mutual love and care, and tons of compromise. My husband and I joke about happy wife, happy life, but we both make an equal effort to ensure that we are each happy. Because when we are both happy, it is smooth sailing!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
And that’s how it should be. It should be both people making an equal effort. I hate the snarky attitude that some of these women have when they say this saying.
In my opinion, relationships are a give and take. It’s not quite 50/50 but in a healthy relationship I am pretty sure it’s close. It shouldn’t be one sided and neither side should “try” to change the ways of the other person just because they are married. It’s about growing together, compromising, agreeing to disagree, laughing with each other and most importantly, being a team player. So I totally agree with you. I also feel the same way about kids. They are a lot of work. There’s definitely life lessons I gained having my son but in the same token, I am not on board for having a second one. There’s that lesson learned too! Hehe :p
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
Yes, I agree with you 100%! On some days it’s more 80/20 because we all have our ups and downs, our good and bad days. When our partner/spouse is feeling overwhelmed or stressed, we always have to give our best to help them. However, it works both ways.
Yeah. I don’t love that saying either. The truth of it is, relationships take work and that mentality will only lead to resentment, right? And it’s also true that some days one gives more than the other because they choose to love the other. And because we all go through tough times and need grace. I was not pleasant to be around last night. Something is going on w my hormones. Lol. But seriously. I’m grateful my hubby gave me a little space and remained kind. Who knows what today may hold. Today may be his turn.
Oh my fiance knows that when it’s that time of the month to leave me be. He knows how much pain I’m in and how I have no control over my hormones haha. Relationships are a team effort in my opinion. We all have our good and bad days, but we adapt to one another.