Little Black Dress: Maternity Style, a message to those telling me the bad about Motherhood & a Linkup

LITTLE BLACK DRESS: MATERNITY STYLE

I’ve always been a fan of little black dresses, and I found one that was perfect for maternity wear.  I wore this in a recent Youtube video and someone had commented that I looked like a Spanish Senorita and I was so flattered, because I love seeing women dressed up in those types of dresses along with the hair and the makeup.  It all just comes together and looks beautiful.  I did find this dress on Boohoo during that Boohoo haul that I did a few months ago.  It wasn’t as form fitting back then, and was a little loose, but now it fits perfectly around this little bump of mine.  Well, it’s not little in my head, but it’s only going to get bigger as little baby grows.  I also bought these new shoes from Target because I wanted something a little fancier, that wasn’t too high of a heel and would be fine for my swelling feet.  As of last week, my feet started to swell a little bit and I can’t tell if it’s because of working outside and on my feet most of the day, if it’s from pregnancy, or if it’s a mixture of both.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

HOW IT’S BEEN GOING WITH THIS EVER GROWING BUMP

The other day, I took to my blog to write out a drafted post that I won’t be posting.  I wrote it out to let out all of my frustrations, but now that I’ve calmed down there are a few things I wanted to say.  Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with of course support, but also those negative Nancy’s who literally only send you all of the bad things about pregnancy and motherhood.  I wrote an entire post titled “An Open Letter to People telling me about Motherhood.”  I’m not sure who reads my blog in my close circle besides my mom, Hi Mommy, so I hope this post doesn’t ruffle any feathers to those who are guilty of doing this.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL ONLY TELLING ME THE BAD

To the people who keep telling me about all of the bad things, what do you expect from that?  What kind of reaction do you expect me to have?  Not to be incredibly blunt, but I’m at 24 weeks in my pregnancy, so I’m pretty far along (in my mind at least), but do you expect me to get an abortion?  Do you expect me to put my child into the adoption system?  I know that I’m going to be exhausted.  Do you think that I don’t have the constant fear in the back of my mind that when the baby is here I can have a seizure due to sleep deprivation, and what if that seizure happens when I’m home by myself with the baby?  That’s just one example out of many but when it comes from the same people over and over and they don’t share any of the good, it gets exhausting and frustrating to listen to.

It’s getting incredibly hard to think about baby’s firsts because of these people.  Thoughts of taking my baby on their first walk in a stroller around the neighborhood, or buying baby’s first pair of converse are constantly being ruined.  I’m all for people telling me what to expect and giving me useful advice, but the unsolicited advice that won’t help me is absolutely ridiculous.  For example, my one friend told me about preeclampsia because she experienced that and she said of course every pregnancy is different but look for these warning signs.  She also gave me advice on what to bring in my hospital bag, especially if I get a C Section because she had two.  THIS is the type of advice I want.  Not that I’m going to hate my baby for the first 6 months because the newborn stage is terrible, or “just wait until those terrible twos.”  My brother and I are almost 6 years apart, which means I remember what it’s like.  I was there with my mom helping her as much as a 6 year old could help.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

MY UNBORN BABY’S REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS ARE NOT A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Something else that I find to be very strange, is already talking about my child’s reproduction.  The other day someone and I were talking after a woman who I think was a grandma by the way she was talking to the baby through Facetime and I think she called herself Nonna.  Well, after that, the person had mentioned to me that that will be me in the future when I’m a grandma.  I said well, I’m not even thinking about that because what if my child doesn’t want to have children?  I’m not going to force them to have children, nor am I going to make them feel bad for the decision to not have children.  The person’s response was “oh you’ll change your mind once you become a mom.”  To be completely honest, I don’t think I will.  I’m not going to force anything on my child.  They have the right to chose their life and life paths.  Why is this even a topic of discussion?  It just seems so invasive, not just to me, but to my baby.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

THE AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS WITH STRANGERS

I knew that it would happen, but the random strangers who ask questions about my pregnancy makes me feel so awkward.  The one issue is that most of these strangers are our customers so I try to be as nice as possible, but I had two women tell me they got into a fight trying to figure out what the gender was of my child.  They bet on the gender of my baby.  I’m sure they meant well, but how awkward do you think that makes me feel?  Some people have even asked some really invasive questions, and I know these people don’t mean any harm.  I know they are just trying to start up a conversation, or are genuinely curious, but I didn’t expect for this many people to ask me questions.

What I will say though, one of our customers kind of lifted my spirits the other day.  She comes in a lot and she’s your typical genuinely nice southerner.  Well she asked me “girl what happened to you, did you swallow a watermelon seed?”  I could not stop laughing after she said that because I immediately thought of that one Rugrats episode haha.  Ever since then I’ve been calling the baby watermelon.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

THANK YOU TO THOSE GIVING GREAT ADVICE

First and foremost, thank you to my mom who is preparing me and also telling me all of the good things and the bad.  I’m sure my mom has gotten so sick of me constantly texting her and asking “can this really happen?!”  A lot of things I’m asking her about when it comes to the horror stories depends on genetics and none of the women in my family have experienced.  My mom has put my mind at ease when I’m freaking out about the dumbest things that don’t matter, it’s just fear mongering.

Sadly, I do believe that the old saying that says misery loves company definitely applies in this situation.  It’s the tone and demeanor that some people have that it almost seems like they want me to be miserable with them.  Thank you to those of you who are giving me solid advice, like the friend I mentioned earlier.  That’s the type of advice I welcome.  Warn me about the serious shit like preeclampsia, not that my boobs are going to deflate once I’m done breastfeeding if I decide to go that way.  Warn me about things that can happen that can affect my baby, not that I might have tiger stripes after the pregnancy (that I personally think are beautiful).

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

EVERY PREGNANCY AND CHILD IS DIFFERENT

I think some people forget that every pregnancy and child is different.  My pregnancy has been a little rocky, especially from the start, and recently my asthma has been acting up a lot.  I’ve used my inhaler maybe a total of 3/4 times since moving to Florida (getting away from cold dry air has been really helpful), but over the past week it’s been a little harder to breathe.  I haven’t been able to truly enjoy this pregnancy and it is in part due to the negativity that is surrounding me.

However, I know that my child might be worse or maybe even better than what some people are telling me, and honestly that’s ok.  The thing is, there’s a reason why children act the way they do.  Of course part of it is due to their environment and their parent(s), but it’s also because, they don’t understand life yet.  They’re constantly growing and learning.  The videos or pictures I see of children crying because of some outlandish reason (in an adult’s eyes) means something to them because they just don’t understand.

I CALMED DOWN AFTER I SAW THIS FACEBOOK POST

After I typed out the really long winded letter I mentioned earlier in this blog post, this popped up on my feed.  I know this Facebook post can be walking on that fine line of toxic positivity, but it was exactly what I needed to see a few days ago.  I was feeling so overwhelmed by all of the negativity, and while I think it’s great to give new moms useful advice, but the constant “just wait until (insert warning here)” isn’t helpful.

As this post says, we aren’t naive, we know it’s challenging, and we know you lose sleep, etc.  Thanks to this post, I saw that there are good stories out there.  There are women out there who truly enjoy this part of life and have good things to say.  I think it’s great to have a discussion from both sides, the good and the bad.  However, the people who say “just wait” and don’t provide any useful advice as to how to tackle that warning they’re giving you is just fear mongering.

Dress: Boohoo // Sandals: Target // Earrings: Target // Bag: Gifted from my Mom

“YOU’RE GLOWING”

I’ve been getting a lot of the “you’re glowing” comments recently, but that’s because y’all only see the pretty pictures of me, the pictures of me with makeup and all dressed up.  Don’t get me wrong, those comments make me feel really good, but I know that you’re not seeing the days where I can barely get out of bed, or my feet are so sore and swollen.  It’s very easy to put on makeup, do your hair, and put on a cute maternity outfit.  Most of the time though, I look like the picture below, minus the makeup haha.  My hair is usually a mess, I’m usually very uncomfortable, but I know it’s going to be worth it when I see that little one for the first time.

To any pregnant women out there currently, when you see these beautiful pictures on Instagram or on mommy blogs, just know that we don’t look like this all the time.  That’s why I don’t really follow mommy blogs or anything like (but of course the algorithm still suggests them to me) that because I know it’ll only make me feel worse when I’m scrolling looking like a hobbit and these women are on some beach somewhere looking absolutely stunning with their baby bumps, or it looks like they’re more active than I am.  I have to remember to be kinder to myself because I’m still working full time, on my feet, in the heat, that at the end of the week, dressing up the bump is honestly the last thing I feel like doing.  If I do see a photo of a cute maternity outfit, I’ll save it just to be able to have some outfit inspiration for future looks.

LET’S MOVE ON TO THE LINKUP!