ONE MONTH BABY/MOMMY UPATE AND OOTD’S
Well, I cannot believe I’m typing this, but on Sunday bebe turned one month old. Time has really flown, and when I look at her pictures from a month ago, I can already see a slight difference. I can definitely understand my mom now when she says it felt like just yesterday that I was born. Now her baby, had a baby. In today’s post I wanted to share a one month update along with Scarlett’s adorable outfits, because while I may be bias, I think she’s a fashionista in the making. When it comes to the one month update, this is going to be a real update. This isn’t going to be a highlight of only the good. It’s going to be the good, the bad, and the ugly. In addition, if there are misspellings or grammar errors, please bear with me while I try to figure out how to blog, create content for Youtube, and work from home with a newborn.
Maybe a new mom will come across this post and think “I’m not the only one.” I’ve been really hard on myself because quite a number of people that I know had babies within the past year or two and I’ve only ever seen them post the happy moments. This made me start questioning myself. Am I just a bad mom to have a fussy baby? Or am I just not cut out for this and am I already setting up my child for failure? Is this just the baby blues, or should I see someone about postpartum depression? I’ve cried way more than I ever had over the past month both happy and sad tears. What I have felt a lot of, is a love like no other. Of course my husband and I love each other and are in love, but this is different. I’ve watched my husband turn into the best father Scarlett could ever ask for. It’s been a very emotional month, but let’s get into it.
*ALL OUTFIT DETAILS WILL BE LISTED AT THE END OF THIS POST, BEFORE THE LINKUP. SOME OF THESE WERE GIFTED SO I WON’T HAVE LINKS FOR THOSE.
I’M NOT AS TIRED AS EXPECTED
I’m not saying I’m not as tired to throw it in anyone’s face and say haha you’re tired and I’m not. If I’m being completely honest, I was more tired in the first trimester than I am now. Maybe pulling all nighters in college, or going out to party all night in my late teens early 20s, just to wake up at 7am to go to work prepared me for this, but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’m also always tired, especially with how much I work that I might not be able to tell the difference anymore. However, I will say I’m mentally tired. The constant battle with myself and questioning everything I’m doing, along with wondering if I’m ruining my child’s life before it even truly begins, has taken a toll. That’s the kind of tired I am. Physically I’m just as tired as I always am, but mentally is where it’s been difficult.
Related: A letter to anyone who only tells you about the bad with pregnancy and motherhood.
SCARLETT’S UPDATES
Scarlett is at a healthy weight according to the pediatrician. She started rolling over after the first week, so swaddling her isn’t something we can do unless her arms are free. Eating and growing has not been difficult for this little one. She eats way more than I thought she would. I’m pretty sure we’re at the cluster feeding stage, but I’m not sure. I no longer have to use my breast pump because of how often she eats, but I think it also has to do with my body just knowing how much milk supply I need for her. Scarlett has been picking up her head, but she’s very particular just like her dad. She’ll only take the binky when she feels like it and on her terms. A lot of things are like this. One second she’ll love the swing, the next she’s crying and hates it.
Getting a schedule down pat has been a bit of a struggle for us. Because Scarlett hates the bassinet, it’s been so hard to get her to sleep. She loves sleeping on us, for example when we’re on the couch, but that’s not something we want to make a habit of. Sometimes she’ll cry when we are rocking her while sitting, but if we rock her when we stand up she’s completely fine. She can be completely passed out, but as soon as we put her in the bassinet, even when we put it on the auto glide option, she wakes up and gets really mad. I’m hoping this gets better not just for us, but for her too. I want her to be able to get the right amount of sleep and sleep in peace. We think she’s just very needy, and I did read in an article that some babies are just more needy than others, but who knows if that’s true.
Scarlett is very long, and I think she gets that from me. She looks really small in a lot of her pictures, but when she stretches out she’s so long. I’m really tall for a woman (my husband and I are the same height), so I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up tall too. She doesn’t have any favorite things yet, besides just being held by us 24/7. There is one toy that she’s a super huge fan of. It has a rattle inside but I play with her with this toy and she loves it. Tummy time isn’t something she’s a fan of, but we do it anyway. That one toy though, she doesn’t enjoy anything else like she enjoys when I shake that toy in front of her eyes. She almost “talks” to it. The most happy baby noises she makes in a day will be to that toy.
I’m hoping to update y’all again in the future with more of her favorite things or things that she likes to do, but in the past month it’s just been a lot of nursing, diaper changing, and trying to get her on a schedule.
Related: The most comfortable maternity dress.
FEELING BAD FOR THE DOGS
As most of y’all know we have two dogs that I’ve called my babies before Scarlett. We don’t treat them like just pets, we treat them like family. Insert a funny Vin Diesel meme from this past Fast and Furious release haha. Even though the two of them have gotten used to the baby, I feel bad. Zero watches Scarlett more than Lilly. Lilly has been licking her paws because she’s a little stressed so I’ve been trying not to get annoyed by that sound, but it’s been very difficult. Although, Lilly heard Scarlett crying the one day and I took Scarlett in my arms. After that Lilly brought her toy and placed it in the boppy (I use that mostly as a pillow for breastfeeding now lol) so I know she does like Scarlett, just not as much as Zero.
The reason why I feel bad for the pups is because I don’t want them to think they’re being replaced. Bebe has taken a lot of my husband’s and my attention over the past month and I want them to know we still love them just as much as we did before. With them being rescues and having traumatic pasts, I think that’s why I worry a little more. I worry that they will feel neglected. I’m sure they are fine, but this is something that’s been weighing on me.
Related: My favorite recipes for a healthier pregnancy.
I’M TERRIFIED AF
I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified. As I’ve already said, I’m worried that I’m not doing this mom thing right or that I’m not cut out for it. Not to mention, babies are fragile little beings. What if I pick her up wrong, or what if I lay her down wrong? It’s clear as day that she prefers her dad so I really think that I’m doing it wrong. Unless it’s because she can sense that he’s more relaxed than I am and she feeds off of my energy. What if Scarlett becomes another SIDS statistic, has been something I’ve been extremely terrified of. Any tiny noise that I hear I frantically look to make sure she’s ok. Every day I worry more and more.
Related: The best maternity nightgowns that I’m still wearing postpartum.
CONSTANTLY QUESTIONING MYSELF
It’s pretty apparent from this post that I’m constantly questioning myself. I’ve never questioned myself this much in my life. Not even on my SAT’s in high school where it was multiple choice and I analyzed the question too much. I can’t be the only one because even my husband has been asking me “are we doing this right?” Any time that Scarlett cries and I have done everything possible, I question what I’m doing wrong.
Related: Hello Third Trimester!
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Every baby and parent is different. What I’ve noticed by being in mommy groups is, holy shit, moms are some of the most judgemental people on the face of this planet. It’s worse than high school. I’m not trying to be rude, but mommy groups are definitely not for me. You need to do what is right for you and your baby. Even before Scarlett came into the world I had someone judging me for wanting to give birth in a hospital with an epidural. Let me just say, there was no way I was going to go through any more of those contractions without an epidural and I know it gets worse.
However, I’m saying all of this because people will definitely judge you which is why I haven’t shared too much of motherhood. Don’t let someone else’s judgement make you think what you’re doing is wrong. Of course if it’s something that can prevent injury to the child or actual advice that you asked for that’s different, that’s more of wanting to help you than wanting to judge you. What I do mean is if someone judges you for not breastfeeding and using formula for example. As I already said, each baby and parent is different. You need to do what’s right for your baby, you, and your family.
Related: Can we stop mom/parent shaming?
I’LL ADMIT, I HAVE A FUSSY BABY
I have a fussy baby. There are time where I’ll change her, feed her, burp her, wrap her up in a blanket, try to give her the binky, play with her, and she doesn’t stop crying. She won’t go in her bassinet without screaming, and she always wants to be held which I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t for having to do things around the house. That’s why I started using this sling. It’s definitely helped a lot. There are still certain things I can’t do because I’m not about to start cutting veggies with a knife or frying something with her in the sling, but it’s helped enough. But at least I can finally sit down and write this post after wanting to write it for days because she’s currently in the sling.
I see my friends post videos and pictures of their perfect babies smiling and looking so happy, then there’s me. The pictures and videos I do have are short lived. It’s just enough to take a picture. Unless she’s asleep in my arms that’s different. For weeks I was beating myself up over it which is why I wanted to write this post, for anyone who is experiencing what I am. Maybe I’m alone and no one else is experiencing this but I can’t be the only one.
Related: My diaper bag came in!
I’VE CRIED WITH SCARLETT
There have been so many times so far where Scarlett and I have cried together because I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I’ll do everything in the book and she still won’t stop and it’s not even frustration, it’s my heart breaking for her because I can’t fix whatever is making her upset. I try to keep my crying in front of Scarlett to a minimum because I’m sure that doesn’t help the situation either, nor does it help Scarlett. There have been a few moments here and there where I cry in silence so that I don’t worry/upset my husband. I told y’all I was going to be very real and vulnerable in this post!
Related: What’s in my hospital bag?
TRYING TO EXPLAIN THE MOMENT YOU MEET YOUR BABY
I have a lot of friends who were either due around the same time as me, or after me. Which means I’ve been trying to put into words what it feels like when you see and hold your baby for the first time. When people who don’t have children whether that’s by choice or sadly not by choice ask me what it’s like I don’t know how to respond. Everything seems like a blur before that moment. That moment is probably the most cherished memory I’ll ever have. I remember when they first gave Scarlett to me I cried happy tears and then I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her after that. To this day I still catch myself just looking at her. I’m very grateful that I was gifted that moment to whoever thought my husband and I weren’t complete until we had Scarlett. I say whoever because while I don’t practice any religion, I was brought up Catholic and do believe in something of a higher power.
FINALLY GETTING BREASTFEEDING DOWN PAT
Two words: Lactation Consultant. For anyone who didn’t get the proper help from the consultant at the hospital (if your hospital even has one), I highly recommend contacting one. The one that I went to was even covered under my insurance. With insurance I have 6 free visits. I only had to use two because the one was a virtual one. While I was in the hospital the consultant came into my room once and gave me a quick run down along with a booklet then showed me one position that she swears by and that was it. She didn’t stay to see if I could get it on my own or show me other positions that might be better, because as I said earlier, every baby and parent is different. What works for my baby to latch or what’s comfortable for my baby when she’s nursing may not be for yours.
Well, when my milk finally came in, I had no idea how to use my breast pump and I was crying every time I would breastfeed because my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I tried to pump after reading about how to use my pump and I could barely get half an ounce out of each breast. My breasts hurt so bad and it felt like I had rocks in them. Then we went to the pediatrician for Scarlett’s first appointment. I would like to add that our pediatrician is absolutely amazing.
Anywho, once we went to that appointment we thought maybe the pediatrician could point us in the right direction. I mean, not only was I in pain, but I was worried that Scarlett wasn’t getting enough. Well, first of all they had someone there who gave me some pointers, and they also told me to contact a Lactation Consultant. After I had my virtual appointment I did the massages and exercises that the consultant showed me. I felt a little better and was finally able to pump 1-2oz from each breast. Then came time for the in person consultation. That helped out significantly. The consultant I went to wasn’t a fan of breast shields, while the one at the pediatrician’s office told me to try them due to the condition of my nipples. I took things from both consultants and used what worked for me. The breast shields were a game changer, and I think it helped with learning how to latch better.
I’m telling y’all this and maybe even giving too much information to some people because there is a science behind breast feeding. It’s easier for some more than others. That’s why I highly recommend seeing a Lactation Consultant. Even if you think you’re fine, they can give you pointers you may never even have thought that you needed.
Related: Scarlett is here! The birth story.
I’M JUST WINGIN’ IT
I didn’t read any baby books, nor do I plan on it. This isn’t because I think I’m better than anyone else, it’s quite the opposite. I’m afraid to read those books and realize that I’m doing it all wrong. Not to mention, reading conflicting statements because every baby and parent is different, which means every author or expert is going to be different or have a different opinion. It’s just like some people prefer natural births at home, or even a water birth, while others prefer to go to the hospital. I personally don’t have a preference. In my case, we went to the hospital because that was just easier with how my pregnancy went.
Related: More pregnancy posts and maternity fashion/Halloween costumes.
FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY POSTPARTUM BODY
I’ve already mentioned this but I’m actually really beating myself up over my postpartum body. I haven’t lost any weight in about two weeks and I’m starving because of breast feeding. With how needy by newborn is, it’s hard to cook/prepare something healthy and it’s much easier to munch on snacks that are already out and ready. Along with that, I have stretch marks. I didn’t think they’d be that bad and here’s why. Towards the end of the third trimester is when I saw some stretch marks forming. They weren’t big or really dark, they were what looked like itty bitty ones. However, now that my bump is gone, I can see just how many stretch marks I have and how big they are. These stretch marks are darker too so I hope they lighten up as time passes.
Here on this blog, I’ve always been very open with my weight and body image issues. I’m not sure if it’s hormones and why this past week I’ve been a little more emotional than usual, but I’ve been really struggling when I look in the mirror. To be honest, I try to avoid the mirror whenever I can. I try not to look at myself, but it’s really hard when it comes time to take a shower and I catch a glimpse of myself. I know that I haven’t even gotten to the 6 week follow up appointment with my OBGYN and I haven’t gotten the ok to work out, but it’s been hard. It’s hard when you see others “bounce back” and look just as good as they did before. It doesn’t help that I do share fashion on this blog, so I have to see my body when I’m editing photos and when I’m writing posts.
I started taking photos for the month of December because with the house, I don’t know when I will have time for blogging, so I’m seeing all of these photos in these cute outfits. But, I feel like my body takes away from those cute outfits. This isn’t a pity post, nor am I asking for anyone to say “oh you look fine” but I can’t be alone in this sentiment. There have to be more women out there that really struggle with how they look after pregnancy.
FEELING GUILTY FOR COMPLAINING OR BEING HAPPY
Lastly, I feel guilty. I feel guilty, whether that be if I’m complaining or if I’m sharing the happy moments. There are people out there who struggle with infertility or pregnancy loss and would do anything to be in my shoes. My heart breaks for those who were meant to be parents and cannot conceive, or do conceive and it ends in tragedy. To some this may sound dramatic, but I don’t think so. It is a tragedy to that family. Imagine being so excited to carry this life inside of you, a life that is half you and half your significant other, and for that life to be taken from you in a split second. Of course you can pick up the pieces and live your life, but as someone who has never experienced this, I really don’t think I could pick up the pieces. That’s why, while I love to talk about the ups and downs and share that with anyone who reads this blog, I feel guilty.
I never want to be the reason someone breaks down and cries because they think “why can’t I have that?” It’s something I think about because I know people who have gone through this struggle, and I felt so bad telling them I was pregnant, that I waited as long as possible to announce it. I didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to be happy for me, especially when I know their situation. In addition, I was very scared to go through a miscarriage myself. To anyone reading this who wants to get pregnant and cannot, or it’s a process, just know my thoughts are with you. I’m sorry if this post is triggering, but know, that’s not my intent.
LET’S MOVE ONTO THE LINKUP
Now that I’ve given a bebe update, let’s move onto the linkup!
Oh my dear, as a grandmother of three let me reassure you that EVERYTHING you just described in this post in COMPLETELY NORMAL. Scarlett is behaving like a normal baby. And every time in the future when you think you have her all figured out, she will change, and you have to start all over again. The only thing I can say is “It will get better”. There’s not much you can do about the sleep issues at this stage except do anything you need to do so you both get as much sleep as you can. When she is older, and not needing to nurse as much, then you can start a sleep training program. As for “worrying your not a good mother” the fact that you are worrying so much shows how great a mother you are. A bad mother never worries about her kids. And you are so right about those mommy groups being judgmental. I don’t know when moms judging other moms started. Women used to support one another, now it seems they just judge each other. I’ve unfortunately had to watch my own daughter go through this. I don’t remember this so much when I was a mom. In regards to losing weight, for some reason some women bounce back right away. But most women don’t. For me and my daughter, our bodies didn’t return to normal till we stopped breast-feeding (the opposite of what they say in the “Books”) 9 months to a year later. There is something about breast-feeding that keeps the weight on. So don’t worry, you will lose your weight., and it will drop off naturally once you stop breast feeding. You are doing a fabulous job! Keep it up! I know it’s hard, but try to treasure these days because they will be over in a blink of an eye. With my firstborn I was so stressed about her all the time, I kept “wishing” for her next phase of life when I knew things would be “easier”. Now I “wish” I wouldn’t have done that and just treasured her more. I did do that with my second born, my last one, because I knew he would be the last and it was a completely different motherhood experience for me. I hope any of this helps.
OMG, Monica, she is so darling in all these adorable outfits! Hey, just so you know, you are dong a better job momming than you will ever give yourself credit for! When my first was a newborn, I literally thought that I was going to kill him at every turn…so how the heck could I trust anyone else with my baby? They would definitely kill him! Fast forward to 10 years later and I still feel like I am failing on a daily basis. I don’t think that feeling ever goes away which is okay because it keeps you motivated to raise decent little humans! You’ve got this. You really do. And like you said, in the blink of an eye, our babies start having babies of their own! So enjoy all the moments no matter how exhausting and frustrating they sometimes can be!
Shelbee
I’ve been wondering how you’re doing and wish we lived closer! I think it’s smart that you’re not in mommy groups and not reading the books. I don’t even have kids, and I’ve seen how harsh they can be to one another. I’ve heard the stories too, and everyone seems to want to be the perfect little family. They don’t show the bad or the ugly, and I applaud you for doing so. I grew up helping raise my siblings, and I knew just how hard newborns and kids in general are. My little sister was a fussy baby at times and as soon as we put her down she would scream! I’m not very patient, so I can’t see myself dealing well with it. I really hope things get better in time and your little fashionista Bebe settles down. She’s very cute in her outfits and I adore the baby nightmare before Christmas plushies!! 🙂 You’re a awesome person and doing the best you can!!
Also, I hope the pups get adjusted okay to bebe as well!! I’m the same way with my fur babies, and they ARE family!!
Thank you for being so vulnerable! As a mom of three I totally get it! I birthed my children without pain medication and did all the “natural” things, and still my first had *horrible* colick and my third is a little fussy. Babies just cry because of gas, reflux, wanting to be held, and it’s okay! They will really be okay! Crying is just the mechanism to be sure they generally get cared for, is how I think of it. Nothing you do now as a loving mother will “ruin them.” Babies and kids are far more resilient then we give them credit for! If anything, I think the job of mothers is, in part, to teach our children to be strong to handle life’s challenges! Also, you should never feel bad about having a baby. We are actually in a birth decline crisis globally, and especially in this country… there are many articles on this. We need more people being born to support the aging population. We need more people being born to come up with creative and intelligent solutions to life’s problems. Life is a beautiful thing. I follow Jesus and believe the Bible so I believe that human life is sacred. The marks on your body- and on mine- are beautiful because loving and sacrificing to give life to another is beautiful! Don’t despair: you are doing one of the hardest, but most important and rewarding and beautiful jobs that the world needs!