A year ago today I found out I was pregnant & a linkup

A YEAR AGO TODAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT

Oh what a difference a year makes. I can’t believe that a year ago today is the day our lives changed forever. We found out we were going to be parents to a little girl that we decided to name Scarlett. For those of you who have been here for a bit some of this is a repeat of past posts, but I wanted to write this for any new readers.

Related: A link to all of my pregnancy/motherhood posts. 

FEBRUARY 15TH: THE TESTS

Something was telling me that I was pregnant. There’s really no way to explain that feeling. My husband and I were at our auto shop working when I pulled him to the side by his tool box and said I think we need to buy a pregnancy test. I wasn’t even technically late yet. My periods have always been irregular so each month was different. One month it would come two weeks early, the next it would come two weeks late.

My husband and I left the shop at 5:30pm when we closed. I went home to make dinner while he picked up the pregnancy tests. Once he came home, as terrified as I was, I knew I needed to pee on all three sticks. When all three tests came back positive almost immediately my husband and I looked at each other with blank stares.

WELL, IT HAPPENED

Having children was something we always said “we don’t want children, but if it happens, it happens.” Well, it happened. We never discussed children or how we would want to raise them because we never planned on having them. I know what you’re about to say; no one ever plans babies! It’s a little different for us because we REALLY never planned this. We got married knowing one another’s stance on children. Which, side note, is a very important conversation to have with your future husband or wife. Too many times I’ve heard of couples divorcing because one wanted children and the other didn’t. Anyway, after about a week of us freaking out I scheduled a doctors appointment and we told our parents.

My parents were really excited because they had just come to terms with never having the chance to be grandparents and boom, hi future Babcia and Dziadek. My in laws were of course excited as well because my mother in law loves her grand babies and could never have enough.

MARCH 1ST: THE ER & THE ACCIDENT

My in laws were actually visiting in Florida when we told them but I had a bad feeling about the pregnancy. I felt like something was wrong and of course I went on google and started reading about ectopic pregnancies. I had my first doctor’s appointment on Thursday but that Monday (March 1st), I decided to go to the ER. After reading about ectopic pregnancies I was so scared and wanted to make sure my baby was safe. Everything was ok. The pain I had been experiencing on my left side was a pre existing condition. I’ve ended up in the ER with ruptured ovarian cysts in the past and I’ve been told many times I have a lot of cysts on both ovaries. I had a ruptured cyst on the left side and the pain must’ve felt different because of the pregnancy.

It got worse though.

On my way home from the ER I had gotten Chik-fil-a with my mother in law. My plan was to go home and rest after such a traumatic morning and drink my strawberry milkshake. But that thought was short lived after someone decided to rear end me. Baby was fine and so was I, but just very upset.

I don’t know if car accident PTSD is an actual type of PTSD, but after being rear ended two times within a year prior to this, it just brings up all of those emotions again. The two differences this time are, I wasn’t hit as hard as the other times and I was pregnant. However the police officers and EMTs I dealt with really need to find a new profession. I wrote all about that experience more in depth here on the blog.

OUR LIVES ARE FOREVER CHANGED

A year ago today, there was no telling what the future held. We were terrified and I was so scared of losing the baby that I waited to announce for as long as I could. Once I started showing though, there was no way of saying oh it just looks like I gained a little bit of weight because I had a very obvious bump forming.

I’m still terrified. What if I’m not a good mom? That’s actually one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to the hospital when I was in early labor. I sat down and cried through one of my contractions and told my husband I can’t go. Surprised, he asked me why and said I have no choice. My response was that very same question; what if I’m not a good mom? He responded with “ok Pam.” I didn’t realize that I was acting like Pam Beasley from The Office haha.

Once I finally gave birth and they handed Scarlett to me, I cried and just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t stop looking at this beautiful little human that was keeping me up at night with her round houses to my belly so many months prior to this day.

A year ago I sat in that bathroom holding all three tests and it felt like the world stopped. In those few seconds where everything around me went absolutely silent I realized I was going to be someone’s mom. As terrified as I was, that maternal instinct kicked in and I promised myself and that little bean inside of me that I would protect and love them for the rest of my life.

BEBE UPDATES

Obviously, Bebe is already here. She’s currently four months old! Time flies. She’s gotten so big and finally grew into her baby thighs haha.

Bebe is really healthy and doing well. She’s adjusting to her new nursery because we recently moved so everything is in a different spot and the room is a different color.

I’ve decided that I won’t be giving too many Bebe updates. The reason being is because I want to keep this part of my life private. The world doesn’t need to know her every move and milestone. Life with Scarlett is precious and I want to keep it that way.

POSTPARTUM & LIFE UPDATES

Hair loss

I guess because I lost my hair during the pregnancy I haven’t experienced it postpartum. At least not yet. We are currently at almost 19 weeks postpartum too. The only “hair loss” I have experienced is when Scarlett uses her tiny grabbers to play with my hair.

Body changes

I’m thinking of writing an entire post about my postpartum favorites. From kegel weights to loungewear. I didn’t know kegel weights were a thing but I bought some from Intimate Rose. I might write an entire review once I’ve used them for a bit but so far so good.

I’m always hungry because I’m breast feeding but the problem is, I still have cravings so eating healthy has been challenging. Not to mention my in laws are in town so I have been a little lenient with what I eat. Before the move and before they came down I was meal prepping. I want to make sure I’m nourishing my body properly so that Scarlett gets everything she needs. As much as I struggle with what I see in the mirror, some days are better than others. I love my stretch marks, but the pooch is something that upsets me some days. It’s going to be a long road, but I’m trying to embrace my body as much as I can.

Mental Health

The reason why I took some time off was partially for my mental health. There were more reasons, but social media was taking a toll on me. The algorithm started showing me more mom, specifically new mom content and my explore feed was filled with the exact opposite of what I need right now. That page became filled of so many different moms to compare myself to. In addition, some of those moms were soooo judgmental. That’s not what I need right now.

Content Creation

I have been releasing content on YouTube because since I focused so many months on my blog I wanted to catch up on YouTube. Content for both YouTube and this blog will be a little inconsistent until I can get a better handle on time management. This blog and my YouTube channel are my creative outlet. I will say that the break I took really helped me focus more on creating content rather than trying to beat some bullshit algorithm on Instagram for example.

The Move 

We are almost 100% moved in. There are still some things at the rental and don’t get me started on how mad I am at the property management company. As soon as we paid rent for February they put a lockbox on our door and are talking about showing the house when we never agreed to that in the lease. They wanted to set up a showing this Thursday. We still have this house for another two weeks. I asked my brother in law about this because he’s a real estate agent and he told us the property management company can’t do this. I’m going to have to wait and see what happens this week but hubs won’t be happy if they push back on us not allowing the showing.

Back to our new house.

My mother in law is helping me unpack and organize everything. She’s been a huge help because there’s only so much I can do with Scarlett. Along with that, I would be so overwhelmed that I would just put stuff wherever I can and forget where I put everything. This past weekend hubs and his dad worked on a lot of things for the house. That included getting more boxes and storage bins from the rental, finishing Scarlett’s half of the bathroom, and cleaning out the yard. The yard is nowhere near done because it looks like the leaves haven’t been taken care of in years. There’s only been minor changes so far but already it looks like a brand new house.

LET’S MOVE ONTO THE LINKUP

Now that I’ve given a little bit of an update, let’s move on to the linkup!