Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
THE PERFECT MOMS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
Over these past few weeks I’ve seen a worrisome increase in moms on social media that I like to refer to as “perfect moms.” My definition of one of these moms is the type of mom who judges other moms, makes passive aggressive remarks, and their children would NEVER do that. I don’t like to mom shame or judge other moms because we’re all trying to do our best. However, if you’re going to be an asshole and put other moms down to feel good about yourself, I have an issue with that. I’m someone who doesn’t share my child or my parenting because that’s no one’s business but my own. If you want to share that on social media that’s also no one’s business but your own. I only say this because while I don’t share, I like to hear different perspectives, even if it’s something that I wouldn’t do or I know wouldn’t work because everyone is different. However, when I read the comments it’s a dumpster fire.
Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
MOMS DEAL WITH ENOUGH
Every day I question myself about being a good mom. I wonder if I’m enough and if my baby knows how much I love her. I get overwhelmed and over stimulated and then feel guilty for feeling that way because I should be grateful. Don’t even get me started on the postpartum anxiety that still likes to haunt me every single second of the day. Then there’s the whole having a love hate relationship with my new body oh and to top it all off navigating motherhood as a first time mom. Us moms have it hard enough is what I’m trying to get at.
Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
COMPETITION AMONGST MOMS
I don’t know why there’s this weird competition about who has it worse as a mom. I’ve seen this time and time again. A mom with one child might say how hard it is or even just how hard their day was and a mom with more than one child will say something along the lines of well at least you don’t have more than one! Just think of how much harder it would be. Excuse me, but can we stop invalidating each other’s struggles? Just because you think you have it worse doesn’t mean what that other mom is going through isn’t significant. You may in fact have it worse, but it doesn’t mean that other mom isn’t having a hard time. The other day I saw a reel of a mom of one who had opened up about her struggles and the comments were flooded with “well wait until you have more” or “you think this is bad, you only have one.” What if that mom didn’t share the full story? Maybe her child has an illness or disability or is simply just more active than other children their age. When they say it takes a village, that village doesn’t exist. Personally, I find the moms who share the struggles and the harder days, more relatable. Motherhood is a beautiful part of life, but it doesn’t come without its hardships and obstacles.
Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
AREN’T YOU BORED YET?
A few days ago someone I know had asked me “are you bored yet with being a stay at home mom?” I know this person well enough to know this wasn’t meant in a good intentions kind of way. This was passive aggressive and the typical “bless your heart” southern type of attitude. No offense to my southern friends, but I think y’all would know EXACTLY the type of person I’m talking about here. This is such a stupid question. I’m definitely not bored, I actually wish I had more hours in the day and every day is a new adventure. I know that she constantly makes her daughter (her daughter and I are around the same age) feel like shit about being a stay at home mom and in a way puts her down. I shut that shit down really quick and said “no this baby keeps me on my toes, every day is a new adventure.” With all of that said, can moms stop judging other moms for either staying home or working a traditional job? Are you the parent or the mom? No, I didn’t think so. We’re all doing our best here. I’m addition, as long as your child is taken care of and loved, why does it matter if you’re at home or at a traditional job outside of the home?
Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
I KNOW I’LL HAVE ISSUES IN THE FUTURE
Recently we went to a birthday party and thank god my husband came with me. Otherwise I would’ve had absolutely no one to talk to. I’ve always been an outcast, which I actually like because I get to observe and listen to others and I don’t have to interact with people. If you ever meet me in person, I’m usually pretty awkward, unless we just click. There are some people who I just vibe with from the very moment I meet them but I can count on one hand how many of these types of people I’ve met in the past decade. I say all of this because while we were at this birthday party, while we definitely enjoyed ourselves and so did bèbè, but as I was observing the moms from a distance I randomly looked at my husband and said I’m doomed in the future. There’s nothing wrong with these moms, it’s all me. I can’t do the mom small talk. I don’t relate to many people. This can be because of years of being an outcast but I never felt like I fit in and I guess that just kind of stuck with me. In addition, I think I also don’t want to open up to other moms at the possibility of being judged. If someone judges me, it’s ok, it’s keeping my mouth under control and not wanting to choose violence that day haha. Ok that second part is definitely a joke, but I don’t care or get offended about too many things. However, if you comment on how I parent or anything about my child, I’m going to want to throw hands.
Orange Top: Megan’s Pieces (affiliate link) // Pants: Missguided // Shoes: Converse // Lipstick: Maybelline (affiliate link)
DISRESPECTFULLY EFF RIGHT OFF
No, that’s not a typo. I meant to say disrespectfully. To the perfect social media moms, you can disrespectfully fuck right off. I don’t care if my vulgar language offends you or makes you think less of me and my opinions. If you’re going to take time out of your day to put down another mom because she chose to feed her baby formula instead of breast milk (whether that be by choice or not), then you need to go touch some grass. I understand that social media is where a lot of people go to get validation. Don’t put down other moms in the process of getting your ever so needed validation. Before you type out that “my kid would NEVER do that” comment, really think about it. Why are you commenting on a strangers post? What does it matter to you? Do you want validation in your opinion by how many likes you get or replies you get that say “oh I agree 100%”? I know that if you post something publicly, you should be prepared for both positive and negative feedback. This doesn’t mean that people should justify their comments because of this. A great example of this is how many people have given me shit for covering my daughter’s face in her first year of life for her privacy. The last straw was someone telling me they’re going to unfollow me because covering her face for privacy is the most ridiculous thing they’ve heard. This is what caused me to finally decide that I won’t be posting her at all, even with her face covered. It’s one thing to ask why I’m covering her face because you’re curious, it’s another to demand to see her face or feel entitled to it just because I’m on social media. So to the perfect moms who cast judgment on the rest of us, especially those of us who are doing our absolute best, you can fuck right off.
Yeah, I def went through this minefield after I had my first kid. I only had one other friend who had kids at the time and she was doing the whole “natural” mom thing I didn’t really spend much time with her. I didn’t want to go out and meet other moms either because the whole online millennial mom thing was really picking up at the time and I just never felt right about who I was or how I looked or what I was doing in public. Then I’d go to church and all these boomer moms are fawning over me asking me if I truly knew what love felt like and what a blessing it all was. I was an absolute lonely mess and nobody fucking knew how to deal with me even when I tried to express myself.
The baby mom stage is just a fucking social minefield and you can’t fucking talk about anything but baby shit. I fucking hated it and considered not having a second kid, but then I did and it got better because I had a proper head on my shoulders. I feel you, though, and I’m glad you vented and it’s nice to see more moms doing their thing. The “village” is nothing but a “marketplace” now, which is kind of a gross part of the internet in general, like you can kind of be authentic but then that drive to be liked and to feel like you need to fit in just pulls you into that millennial momosphere where everything’s like weirdly Stepford Wife-y.
My eldest kid is 8 now. I’ve got a 3 year-old, too. All I can promise is that it does get easier and that over time I have befriended other moms who do their best and like to vent and have felt the same. I see you, friend.