Ways to be confident & a Linkup

The word confident was not part of my vocabulary for the majority of my life.  As I’ve said numerous times, I was made fun of, and because of that my insecurities were sky high.  I ended up with body image issues, and spiraled down a path of terrible eating habits.  Becoming obsessed with my body for a majority of my teens-late 20s is an understatement.  Thankfully in my late 20s, I was introduced to the fitness industry, and learned that there is a way to lose weight and look great, without terrible habits.

Once I was on a yo-yo of indulging, then dieting, I finally came to the realization, last year, that I don’t need to be perfect.  No one is perfect, and even though I’m not a size 2, and I no longer have abs, that’s ok.  With today’s post, I wanted to talk about how I stay confident and don’t focus on my image as much.  I know a lot of these are easier said than done, but it’s how I’ve trained my mind to stop focusing on things that don’t make me happy.

#1 Fuck Society Standards

Growing up in the 90s, we obviously didn’t have the technology that we have today.  In my opinion, I think my generation had it much easier when it came to idolizing people.  Back then we idolized celebrities, whereas today, kids are idolizing everyday normal people who have become influencers.  In today’s world, you instantly see beautiful editorial style photos by your favorite influencers, whereas back then you had to wait for a magazine to come out, or you had to actually watch regular TV (oh the horror, insert sarcasm here haha).

I have seen a slight shift in society when it comes to being more open minded to diversity and different shapes and sizes.  Do you still see size 00 models, and super toned women on the internet?  Well, yea, but at the end of the day, just because society leans towards those types of bodies, we STILL have to accept those bodies (as long as they are healthy of course, if they are suffering from an ED, that’s different).  I have had unsolicited comments at every size I’ve been, whether I was heavier, really skinny, muscular, etc.  Once I came to the realization that you will NEVER make everyone happy with how YOU look, at the end of the day, your opinion is the only one that should matter.

#2 Eat healthy and exercise

I’m not saying this to offend anyone, but it is important that we all eat our vegetables and work out.  Just remember an apple a day keeps the doctor away.  This is important regardless of how you feel about people’s weight, because no matter who you are, you should be trying to keep your body healthy.  Of course indulging is my biggest weakness, but I do want to make sure that my body doesn’t fail me from any more ailments in the future.  I’m only in my 30s, and I want to make sure that when I’m in my 50’s, I don’t feel like I’m in my 80’s.  What we do to our bodies now, will set us up for how we feel in the future.

#3 Stop comparing yourself

This is an issue that I still currently struggle with.  I compare myself a lot, and I’m not sure if it’s be subconsciously setting goals for myself, but it’s not healthy.  It’s fine to have goals, but we are all here, and we are all different for a reason.  We shouldn’t compare ourselves to other people because at the end of the day, you end up resenting that person.  This person might not even know you exist either.

#4 You’re no longer a teenager, your body has evolved

Coming to the realization that what I looked like in my teens-mid 20s, is completely different.  It’s not a bad thing, but our bodies evolve.  I hit a weird change in metabolism in my late 20s that really affected me hard.  No longer could I eat an entire pizza and not feel guilty or be afraid that I’ll gain weight from it.  I’ve never had children, nor do I plan to, however to my moms out there, you grew a little human inside of you.  Some women bounce back to pre baby body, but others do not.  You cannot dwell on that, and you have to remember that you birthed a beautiful child.  Your body may not go back to what it was, but it evolved.

#5 Stop focusing on the scale

Even when I was really into my health and fitness routine (I have fallen off the bandwagon just a tad), this was something I stopped focusing on after a while.  I had goals to lose a specific amount of weight, and then maintain that weight or just build muscle and not focus on weight loss/gain.  155lbs of fat looks completely different from 155lbs of muscle.  Focus on how you feel, how your clothes are fitting, and how many inches you’ve lost.  That number on the scale DOES NOT define you.

#6 Stop focusing on the numerical number on your jeans

This is something I learned at a very young age.  I remember going to Poland for the first time in a very long time.  At this time I had been going through puberty, so of course our bodies change and I got a little “heavier” and “fluffy” (at least that’s what I thought at the time lol, I was much smaller than I am now).  I went to a store and because their sizing is much different (at the time, people there were about half the size of most people in the U.S.).  I remember seeing the number on the pants I wanted to buy and I wanted to cry afterwards.  I ended up buying the pants, but it wasn’t until I looked at myself in the mirror and said I look damn good in these pants did I realize that just because the pant size was bigger than usual, it didn’t mean anything.

#7 You must love yourself

This one is easier said than done and I’m well aware of that.  However, this is a point to make that is so crucial to being confident.  You have to love every inch of yourself, including your flaws.  You are who you are for a reason.  If there’s something you really don’t like about yourself and you know that you’ll be happier if you fix it, do it.  People do it all the time.  Of course, I would say make sure it’s a healthy decision, but for example, for our wedding, I want to be a little smaller so I will go on a diet.  I know the camera adds ten pounds lol.  However, I do love myself.  I know that I’m flawed, and that’s ok!

#8 Don’t listen to people on the internet

After coming back to Youtube, y’all, the trolls are everywhere.  I want to say that the comments section on Youtube videos is probably the most toxic I’ve ever seen.  Not even on my videos, but other creators, and of course as you grow you get more negativity, but it’s bad.  There comes a point in time where you have to decide what is best for your health.  If you want to go on Youtube and you’re afraid of comments, just disable them.  Of course that will hurt your engagement, but you need to do what’s right for you.  Me personally, I look at it from a standpoint of, it brings me engagement on my videos, and I chose to show myself to the world.  Also, trolls are very sad and lonely people so at the end of the day, I honestly feel bad for them.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk haha, let’s move on to the linkup.